Creating your own reality

All too often we are told, is our socialisation process, that we are not in control of life. This comes with statements such as:

• Behave your self.
• Can't you fit in with others?
• Don't be a pain.

Furthermore, when we are in a good mood or bad mood we are asked, what made you in such a mood? This is telling us that any and every source of emotional flux is created by an out side influence. Thus our emotional life is always seen as a part of us that is never in our control. This is evident in our every day speech, in statements like; he can make me happy, she will make me a happy man, I can make you happy, you have made me so happy, You drove me to drink, you made me so mad, the drink will make me happy, drugs control my life, and the list goes on. If you can think of more please put them in a comment for this posting.   The same is taught to us in school and in songs, TV shows the power of one over other's emotions, even in the foods we eat, or buying the stuff to fill your home. We are taught that eating this will make you happy or drinking that will do it. But alas this is a path that will always yield an empty cup. For when you fill the cup with outside source of pleasure it will soon be evacuated and spent. Just like a drug you will need to find more with greater potence, trying to fill an empty vessel that will never be content.   The source of all things, has always been and shall always be within. We are all on the cusp of two worlds, that of being an animal, responding to stimuli and being a reactionary machine. The other world that we strive to achieve is that of the full realisation of the self and all power this realisation grants. The animal within us seeks excuses for our actins, putting reasons for our actions towards the outside world. Thus the animal part of us acts without thought of the interpretation of our actions in the sight of others. Furthermore in this state of animal action all our actions are driven by meeting and dealing with immediate needs of running from pain and moving to pleasure. This is well described in the theory of operant conditioning within psychology. The alternative to this mode of living is to act with purpose and with the full realisation of the self. As we are co-creators in the life we lead I will regard this part of us as the self-creator. The self-creator within us strives to be more than a reactionary machine, making each action speak of goodness and dignity, to live in harmony with our surroundings.  Maslow's hierarchy of needs poorly describes it in the summit of his pyramid of Self-actualizing, is described as a need. But if a person is not aware of the possibility to reach for a life of purposeful living, they will never seek it. Any person in marketing will tell you that, that is their business, creating needs that meet the animal within us, not that of the self-creator. Thus people will settle for quick fix solutions, seeking easy fulfilling goals that in fact take much more energy to achieve than that of self-actualization and being a self-creator.   I have talked about the hero's journey in previous blog postings, so please read about the Hero's Journey, as the hero's journey is the key to how one can achieve the order within, to achieve the control of the self-creator over the animal within us. The achievement of the self-creator state will only fail if we follow the path of the animal, that of being a slave to external sources and the fulfilment of our two basic needs of feeding and fornication. We begin to despise the ones and things that hurt us, and live in a world that has no forgiveness, because that is all one sees, without understanding that we have created those maladaptive passion's. The reason we see the outside as the source of our problems is because in that state with out self awareness, we react to the outside with fervour and fury. Fear and hatred will lead your way without the realisation of that within.   For an illustration of what I am on about, when you are in a bad mood or emotional state, look around you. You despise the stuff in your house, the books you read, and the people you are with. Thus the opposite is just as true, when you are in a good mood, you are happy with everything you see and touch. This is reactionary behaviour. What you see, perceive, and behaviour ebbs and flows with the emotions that are ruled without your control, as a reactionary creature. I have come across people that look for excuses for their actions in the outside world all the time. They act in a was that appears to others as being self-absorbed, thus suffer the consequences of being ostracised and despised, and not understand that they are the ones creating that reality. Because as soon as you realise that every person you are in contact with, apprise, interpret and react to our behaviour is a consequence to our own behaviour, we will soon alter our behaviour to bring harmony to bring about favourable consequences.

Nature verses Nurture

These two terms are banted about a bit in the media, yet do we really know what they are and how they interact?   Nature When we talk about nature in the field of behaviour we are not talking about someone's personality. So to say that someone has an angry nature, is a mixture of psychological terms that dose not make sense. But if a person is angry by nurture is a good use of the terminology. When talking about nature, we are talking about genotype, and phenotype. Nature is a hard thing for psychology to get a good grasp on. For instance there may well be a gene that dictates over anger, introversion, extraversion, consciousness, agreeableness, and openness. Though alas no scientific evidence for genes that control these traits.  The only scientific research that investigates the interaction of nature (ie. genes), within the environment are twin studies, where the twins live together and apart. In these types of researches, researchers can attempt to separate the impacts of the environment (ie. Nurture) from the influences of the genetic make up (Nature). Some have made statements that empathy is an innate behaviour that is governed by genes, and is bleach out of people through nurture.   Nurture Nurture refers to how one is raised and the environment, such as parents, peers, and teachers, also the media. Nurture is how we are nurtured in life. Thus if a person is shy by nature, it can be overcome by nurture. The next term is "Best fit" that creates the extremes. That means that if you have shy genes and live in an environment that promotes shyness, the outcome is an extremely shy person. Likewise aggression, cruelty, and all the personality you can think of will act the same way within the best fit combination. The vast majority of my postings talk mainly on nurture, because that is where change can happen.   Thus if there is a Nurture verses Nature argument occurs, one cannot have a full debate, because there is no real evidence for nature and an overwhelming evidence for nurture. As I was taught at UNI (University) it is a case of 100% Nurture and 100% Nature that is involved in personality creation.   Please have a look at older postings about what is considered to be innate behaviour.

Music: Are we being brain washed?

Listening to music through out the years, the general theme in the vast majority is about love and putting up with unrealistic demands, either on your self or the other person. For instance I was watching one music video the other day about putting up with an abusive relationship, where on the video she was burning. All I could see or hear in the video is that the song writers were advocating abusive relationships, with a great beat.   Obsession is another theme that repeats in songs. Obsessing over some person that you have no hope in having, and trying everything in your power to get that person to love you back. This type of obsession is so unhealthy, because an obsession is in essence being in love with an illusion. Like many psychiatrists say, "it is always good to build castles in the air, but when you move into the castle, we collect the rent".  Furthermore, obsessions have a doubled edged sword in the having and then in the obtaining of an obsession. In the midst of an obsession, the obsession takes all your cognitive energies directed at one and only one target. In other words, you think so much and deeply about the obsession target that you neglect almost everything ells in your life. Just as some of those obsessions songs are primarily about love, Obsessions also cross over to other things, such as work, tidiness, gambling, exercise, and many other things.   The other edge of the sword that I was talking about, is in the obtaining of the obsession.  This is akin to dogs chasing cars, what would the dog do with the car if it would catch the car. Our illusions are so strong that we make up a world that everyone in the relationship is happy. But in reality the target of your obsession will not be controlled to fit your illusion. Even if you sing the words "I can change, I can change" in that bitter sweet symphony, if you are unable to change now then, singing about it in the future thence is a wast of time. Like all people recovering from addiction, change only really comes when ones life style is threatened. All the energy is put in gaining the target of your obsession that once the target is obtained, everything that you have worked for is completed, and no thought has been put into the next step, what will be your next conquest be? Or will you be lost and have no goal to work for. Obtaining an obsession is a recipe for disaster. Whereas obtaining a goal is far healthier, because goals are transient things and we know this. Goals are rest points on the path to future goals. Whilst obsessions are the end target and there is nothing beyond.   Songs about love lost, "do you see that we shall never be together again… Nylon sheets and blankets help to minimise the cold, Will the night mare soon give way to dreaming, that she is here with me here in the glory night" in the Genesis song, Domino. These songs about love lost is really about self-pity and wallowing in a self imposed depression, that can be a trigger to bigger maladaptive behaviour that can be devastating. I have seen in my professional life that we are so brainwashed that relationships need to be these long lasting existences' of eternal bliss, that when they hit those rocky patches in life and love is on the rocks, you reach out for a drink on the rocks. And reaching out for a drink to help you through the day does not kill the problem like roundup, it irrigates the problems so that they grow and flourish, fertilised by your own self-pity.  Against the general belief that is portrayed in songs, we create the relationship styles we have, they don't just happen, likewise we create the relationships we have, we are not domed to be in bad relationships. If one party is hiding a life that is outside normal conventions, granted this is something unexpected. But on a hole we attract the type of person by the things we control. And song often than not teach us how to attract disaster and how to respond to disaster, and how to be obsessed. There are better ways to find the one and only shmo for you, in fact there are millions of shmos out there for you. Songs of love lost help deepen depression, as a co-worker stated to me these songs are "suicide songs" they are the songs we listen to when a relationship has just ended. So if you feel miserable, we play the song to match our emotions. Don't pick these songs to listen to when in a down mood, you want to recover so pick the happy music when you feel down.   So this leads me to another topic revolving around music. I have come across people that say that they need to calm down and relax, but persist in listening to fast beat music and rap songs. Here is a lesser known secret that therapists and business psychologists do not tell you. The speed of the music will govern how long you stay in a shop and the type of music dictates what you will buy. For example; there was an experiment conducted in a bottle shop, one week the experimenters played French styled music, and found that French wines sold more than other wines. The following week they played German music, and found that German wines and bear sold more than any other in the shop. Like wise the body synchronises to the beat of the music, thus a fast beat in the music with increase the heart beat, and the opposite applies. That is why you will never find fast music in a therapist's waiting room, or during meditation.

New Posts

I have put new posts on my homepage blog.

You may ask why I dont put it here... well I would like to keep all the posting under one roof so I can control it all better.

Detox and Rehabs Comments

I have a list of detoxes on my Main Blog at www.rippleaffect.com.au/wp/
So please go to that address to view all the Rehabs and Detoxs and you can leave your comments on that Blog..

Thank you
Frank Smolle

Do you know of more Detx or Rhabs?

If a rehab or detox center that is not on this blog for others to comment on please tell me. I would like to get as much info up here as possible. Because it is hard to find all the info in one place that people can comment on. If you have been to one of these services please leave your impression of that service on the comments. Granted the comments will be moderated :-) Thanks Frank Smolle

Drug and alcohol detox and Rehab:

In the media, alcohol and other drugs (A&OD) have been always an issue surrounding social problems and crime. I have started to make a data base for my-self about all the services that are available for people wishing to improve their lot in life. This has been a tiresome job because the information is so spread out and information that there is available is more often than not the propaganda of the organisation. The method of detox is most commonly an in-house or residential program, with some being non-medicated and others medicated. Likewise for rehabilitation from A&OD is either in a residential setting of in an inpatient program. But if you are a person trying to find the information you want to find the organisation of program that suites you, the process is daunting and you may not have the time, the patience, or the skill to get the information. Then if you do find the webpage of the organisation that you wish to attend, you will only get the information that the organisation wishes to publish and the favourable reports that are given to them by clients. Furthermore, the web page may be out of date, with rules being changed and the website still having the old information on it. I have been thinking about placing the information that I have gathered on this blog, instead of having a data base. Then having you the consumers of these services comment on the blog posting or comment on the organisation with your opinions. Because you have used a service you are in the position to state what you got out of the service and if you recommend the service to others. Granted some people like the 12 step program and find that that was the best thing for you, while others think the way to go is with the CBT styled programs. There are some programs out there that use Maslow's hierarchy of needs and other behavioural therapies. SO ... I was thinking about putting the guts of a service up on this blog. Ie: Service Name: Address: Contact details: Webpage: Style of program: Target client base: Then you can post your comments and comment to other people's comments about the service. Then if you feel that I have missed out on providing the information of a service you can either leave a comment or email me. The main reason for doing this is to provide you with the information about any A&OD service that are out there and at the same time give you the opportunity to comment with your experience in that service. But be aware that the comments are moderated.