The Cycle of Change and the Hero’s Journey: A new way of looking at addiction recovery

Although I will be talking predominantly about Addiction in this posting this can refer to other activities of life. Such as: Obsessive compulsive disorder, relationship issues, career change, or moving house. Please remember that this is only an opinion driven from my contemplations. I will first explain the Cycle of Change and the Hero's Journey, then show how the Hero's Journey can be a better tool to help people with addiction. This is also a tool that helps gain motivation and self pride in the addicted person, which may need picking up.

Cycle of Change

Within the therapeutic tool box of addiction, the "Cycle of Change" model is extensively used to explain how people with addiction are on a path of change. This model is a guide to help the client get the right help at the right time and alleviate the client that every failure is part of a learning process and not a failure. The Cycle of Change is comprised of 6 steps that the person moves through on the quest to achieve permanent change. Furthermore a person can go through this cycle several time before permanent change is achieved.

1. Pre-contemplation – This stage takes place before the person realises the need to change, yet every one ells can see a need for change. This is when the person will say "I have not got a problem, every one ells has a problem". At this stage the person is unaware of the consequences of their behaviour on others. It is here that a significant others can help make the person aware of their consequences. So if a person is constantly asking for money to buy food, because they have spent all the money on drugs, Don't give them money, but go shopping with them and give them what is needed, being food, not money. Then the money will not be used for drugs, and the significant others does not need to feel like they are being lied to.
2. Contemplation – At this stage the person is aware that change is needed but is still reluctant to find a way to change. Change for anyone for any reason is hard because old patterns need to be gotten rid of and new ones started, we all get comfortable in the mess that we live in and muddle along in life. So although a person knows that change can happen, resistance to change is abundant. Here the significant others provides options and literature to help motivate the person to begin helping them-selves to change.
3. Preparation – Within this stage the decision to change has been made, contact numbers gathered and perhaps the first booking with a counsellor in made. This is a scary time for the person and they need encouragement and assurance that their anxiety is normal. I have seen people in this stage go on their last bender, and drug use increases because they feel that this is the last time they will ever use drugs. This is actually causing greater harm, sadly, because this may increase the detox pains and use up all the money they have saved to go into a detox program, or to see a Doctor, counsellor, psychologist, or out reach service.
4. Action – At this point the person has begun the process of change, the doctor has been consulted or the person is seeing a counsellor, or the person has been booked into a detox or rehab unit. This may not be a period of abstinence, though drug use in reduced and the person is starting to lead a healthier life. The significant others can give encouragement through this time and show the consequences of leading a better life, like going on outings together and showing them more trust. Though Lapse back into the old life is still a risk at this stage.
5. Maintenance – This is the success stage that the person wants, the drug use had been decreased to a satisfactory level to maintain relationships, keep a job, and live healthily, or stops using all together. But the hardest thing about changing behaviour is to keep up the new life stile and not fall back into the old habits. Furthermore, to stay at this level during a time of crises is the hardest thing a person will have to go through. When stress is maximised through, death, divorce, losing a job, coping with an illness in the family, etc. Also Positive stress can have an impact on the well-being of the person's capabilities to maintain a health life style. Such as calibrations, Christmas, births, anniversaries, etc. During this time the significant others need to help by removing triggers that may put the person at risk of relapse. I remember I was mentoring a Church Paster that had one of the Church members with an alcohol addiction, everything went well, the church member made it 6 month of abstinence from alcohol. At this point the Church Paster decided to have a 6 month party to celebrate the abstinence. Well I bet you can picture the out come… The people invited to this part bought along alcohol, and by the end of the night the Church member was back to square one. I only wish the Paster consulted me on that one decision to have a party.
6. Lapse and Relapse – Lapse is when the person goes back to the old way of life for a short time and then re-enters the recovery cycle anywhere in that short time. Relapse is when the person goes back to square one and starts the cycle all over again. All these speed humps on life's journey are times for reflection and learning, so that self knowledge is gained for the next time around the cycle.

I have seen this model used within group settings with clients with addiction. The chart is placed on the white board and the clients then share what they went through at each stage of the journey and that was that. It is a good tool to help the therapist when assisting significant others in copping with a family member that is an addict, but I feel that a better tool can be used with the client. The cycle of change matched the Hero's Journey well though the 6 parts are split up further into 12 or 17 parts. The hero's Journey I feel will help people in the process of change, identify the archetypal characters in their life, who is opposing them, who is helping them, who is trying to trick them, and to show how the "you" in your story of change, you are the Hero, and finally to show that there is an end to the struggle.

The Hero's Journey

Joseph Campbell is the person renowned for uncovering the Mono Myth that is embedded in all the Myths and Legends around the world, and for showing that how forms of entertainment today, (movies, books, tv shows, plays) are successful when the core points of the Hero's Journey Mono Myth are in them. To have this further illustrated, all you need do is to Google "the Hero's Journey" or search the same thing on Youtube. I want to talk about how this concept of the Hero's Journey would be a better tool when working with people that in the midst of change, and show that there is meaning in what they are going through and what others are doing to them.

The Hero's Journey has 12 stages. They are:

1. Ordinary World - The hero's normal world before the story begins or thought of change is thought of – This is the same as stage 1 in the cycle of change. The normal behavior in the life of an addict is that of drugs or alcohol being the first and only priority in life. This is a life of a vicious cycle, of finding money to get drugs, alcohol, or for gambling. Relationships, job and a healthy life come last. Many addicts will do things that they would normally never do, like cheat, steal, lie, sell their body and con others to get their substance of addiction. If a person lives in this life style for too long they think that they are not capable of doing anything different. But this is where the significant others can show how the consequences of their actions are hurting others around them.
2. Call to Adventure - The hero is presented with a problem, challenge or adventure – This is the same as stage 1 in the cycle of change. Here the person is given some options and the consequences become very real. Some people with addiction had their significant others give up on them or show "hard love" by kicking them out of their life. This may present the decision to the person to change so they can be with the ones they love or they go further down and find out what rock bottom is for them. Other people may find them self in front of a judge and ordered to either seek treatment or go to jail. Here at this stage the person may not even know that they have the call to adventure to change, but the signs are all around them to change their life or lose more that what they want to lose, this includes their life.
3. Refusal of the Call - The hero refuses the challenge or journey, usually because he's scared – This is the same as stage 2 in the cycle of change. I have found that many people will be jumping between decisions here, "I know I need help, but I don't want to change". This will come up throughout the recovery process, some professionals call it a "Decision Bifurcation". The person in given a choice and the decision is real for them, and the consequences are clear, either they change or they stay in their old life and they die by installments. The person looses the relationships they have, loose their possessions, loose the brain functioning in piece meal, and their body functions, until they lose their life. Thus to refuse the call has its own consequences, taking up the call means that other consequences are more desirable, or the person has no choice in taking the call, thus doomed to take an adventure that will only result in their own resistance and will go back to a life of addiction, gaining nothing.
4. Meeting with the Mentor - The hero meets a mentor to gain advice or training for the adventure – This is the same as stage 3 in the cycle of change. These mentors are real people, they can be family members, doctor, counselor, social worker, or a friend that has taken the adventure. The mentor is there to prepare the person on the road to recovery, giving options of people to see, or organization to get involved in, like AA/NA. There is a saying that when the student is ready the master will show up. The thing here is that masters or mentors will only be seen if the person with an addiction is prepared to view them as mentors. If the mentor is not recognized by the addict, they think they either don't need one (thus doomed to start again) or are not willing to change. Some people that have been through the cycle of recovery from addiction several time, think they know it all and thus think that the information is no good and that it is a waste of time, thus go back to square one. Furthermore if the person had failed the adventure of change once before, they view the hole process of trying to change as a waste of time, because they will only fail again. This attitude is driven by the fact that they may not have resolved the issues that is at the core of the addiction in the previous call to the adventure of change. And in this case the mentor will be ignored and the true master will not be encountered latter in the journey.
5. Crossing the First Threshold - The hero crosses leaves the ordinary world and goes into the special World – This is the same as stage 4 in the cycle of change. This can come in two forms. In the symbolic form, the first threshold can be accepting a medication regime that was agreed with the doctor, or taking the counseling serious and doing the work in a CBT program. The other form of this threshold can manifest is a real physical boarder between the real world and a world created for recovery, like a detox centre or a rehab. Crossing the threshold of the detox centre or rehab is the scariest time, the person does not know the workers, the rules, the other clients, or how they will cope. The building is a representative of the "belly of the wale" where you must travel to meet the tests set out in the next stage. The anxiety and the unknown is so overwhelming that some run from the threshold back to their old life. This is where the mentor is truly needed to give the person courage to cross the threshold. The mentor knows that it is only within the belly of the wale (aka detox or rehab) that the new mentor/s will come along to help the addict encounter the darkness that is within them.
6. Tests, Allies, Enemies - The hero faces tests, meets allies, confronts enemies & learn the rules of the Special World. – This is the same as stage 4 in the cycle of change. The special world is in essence a life without a substance abuse, and learning how to live in that world. It is in the learning of this new reality that the tasks are new and the learning curve is steep. Also the special world in a detox or rehab which also have special rules that must be adhered to.
   1. a. New Mentor – As soon as the person crosses the threshold a new mentor appears to help in showing the limitations of the special world. The mentor may be a care worker, counselor, or a person that has taken the adventure of change and chose to give back what he has learnt.
   2. b. Allies – The allies that the person comes across are others that are taking the adventure of change and want to change. The allies will comfort you when times are a bit tough and help you keep to the rules, likewise the hero does the same for the allies.
   3. c. Tricksters – A few of these allies may also be tricksters in disguise, wanting to achieve in their own journey of change, but get pleasure in seeing other fail. In German these people are called Schadenfreude. I have seen people try to convince others to break the rules of this special world out of fun and then sit back and see them get evicted from the special world (aka detox or rehab).
   4. d. Enemies – The enemies that you encounter are people that will try to get you to fail and are not on the adventure of change themselves. These people are often visitors, or friends and sometimes the partner of the person trying to achieve change, that are still using drugs or drinking and see the person wanting to change as a threat to their own self worth, thus they will try to get that person to fail. Also and rear, staff members on a power trip can be seen as the enemy trying to get the hero to fail. But don't confuse power trippers with the testers.
   5. e. Testers/teachers – The people that are there to test the people need to know that they are serious about their recovery. Also they will conduct groups and require you to participate in journaling or some type of CBT that tests a person's resolve to stay on the adventure of change and explore the self. The tester or teacher is not there to be a comforting friend, their role is to confront your old world and show you that the old world is a reflection of old living and of unresolved issues. Here is the balance of power that can make or break the hero, the Tester will confront you, but your allies and new mentor/s are there to soften the blow that the tester is confronting you with.
7. Approach - The hero has hit setbacks during tests & may need to try a new idea – This is the same as stage 4 in the cycle of change. This is the greatest step of change. The person needs to reevaluate their own thinking patterns, reasons for action, and modify their behavior, to reinvent the world view that they have lived with for so long. The person absorbs the special world that was external to them to become an internal reality.
8. Ordeal - The biggest life or death crisis – This is the same as stage 4 in the cycle of change. The ordeal can come in so many forms, so in a nut shell, the approach that the person has learnt to live with is now challenged by the old world. Old friends will be lost, and the new way of thinking will be at odds with everyone that the person once called upon for help. When therapists talk about changing the environment is a step on the road to recovery, this is the step that it takes part in. the hero will question their own sanity and the teaching that was given. The tester/teacher is not around, and the new mentor may be absent, this is where the person needs to stand on their own. The ordeal, makes or breaks the person on the road to change. If the hero breaks the step back to the Approach step is not fare, and is part of the method of many rehabs.
9. Reward - The hero has survived death, overcomes his fear and now earns the reward – This is the same as stage 5 in the cycle of change. Joseph Campbell calls this the "awarding of the boon". The reward is the new skills, coping methods, rules, and self-awareness that makes the person a Hero and role model for others to emulate when they are back in the ordinary world. Though the person is still in the special world and given acknowledgment by everyone in the special world, this reward means nothing if it is not achieved in the ordinary world.
10. The Road Back - The hero must return to the Ordinary World. – This is the same as stage 5 in the cycle of change. The road back to the ordinary world has another Refusal of call by the now recovered addict to contemplate. The fear, anxiety, and stress to go back to the ordinary world are real and the consequences have a great impact on the person. The mentors, allies and testers are left behind in the special world and the friendships in the special world are now severed. But if the person refuses to depart the special world, that person does not become a hero, that person becomes a mentor or tester to others that come through the path of change.
11. Resurrection Hero - another test where the hero faces death – he has to use everything he's learned – This is the same as stage 5 in the cycle of change. By going back to the ordinary world with all the temptations and the memories of the old world, the hero is now friendless, dead to all the old friends that once used drugs with the hero, and dead to all those in the special world, because the hero no longer needs them to live. The resurrection is the hero building a new life with a new job, and making new friends.
12. Return with Elixir - The hero returns from the journey with the "elixir", and uses it to help everyone in the Ordinary World – This is the same as stage 5 in the cycle of change. The hero (recovered addict) does not see the old life of addiction as shame, but with pride and willing to point the way for others wanting to change. This is not an active role, just living in a new life is enough. When people from the old world sees the hero and what the hero is capable of, becomes an incentive to them that change is possible. By seeing the full potential realized in the hero is open for others to achieve the same.

Discussion:

With the model of the cycle of change is valid and useful, I feel that it does not full prepare people to go through the journey and explain the types of people they will meet on their journey. By recognising who are the teachers, mentors, allies, and tricksters, the person going through change becomes better equipped to avoid the pit falls that are inherit in any journey of change, along with the emotions that they will suffer. This is some what based on the concept of naming. When a person has emotional control issues, that person is taught to name the emotion that they have and then identify the source of those emotions. This helps people control their emotions. Like wise if people are taught about the journey of change and characters they may encounter, they will be better prepared to take the journey. I invite you to comment and ask question about this concept or idea that I have drawn inference from Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey.

Phoenix Unit

Sorry I only have their Phone Number. Phoenix Unit is a Drug and Alcohol Rehab - (02) 9976 4200

Loneliness

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2xQa18vC_g&feature=related

Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection By John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick

I have been reading Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection By John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick (2008). Being a most interesting book about human connectedness and the genetic interest for humans to work in groups. This book is both a descriptive and prescriptive book about loneliness. I was going to write about loneliness but after doing a google search about the book, I have found that there are some great reviews, furthermore the author is talking about the book of youtube. You wont be disappointed in reading this book. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0qE90GDOhw   This book on amazon.com and you can read a review.  

Head Miles: Busy mind and Imagination

You are up and finishing off the day, going to the toilet, turning out the lights, put your JPs on and then lay down into a nice bed. You think after a long day "wow it's nice being vertical", but then something happens. You close your eyes and try to rest, relax, and sleep, but the mind just gears up the over drive, put on the turbo supper charger, and you are strapped in as a passenger on a roller-coaster ride of thought.   We all have experienced this, but there are times when it just seems worse than other times. I remember listening to a psychologist talking on the radio as I was trying to sleep. I did not agree with everything that was talked about in the interview, and then suddenly my mind went crazy answering some of the issues, and interrogating my memory for the references that contradict the information being talked about on the radio.   There was another time when I was trying to sleep, my mind was working me through an entire workshop based on the Hero's Journey, which I am doing the research for now and putting together the recourses for the work shop.  This restless night happened only a week ago. Although only last night, I had another restless night, and my mind was only picking random stuff to think about, however it still kept me awake.   Further more many people have the same types of restless nights, but the thinks that are being pondered are driven about negative, self persecuting thought, or concentrating on the persecution, and oppression, that they are suffering from others. Thinking about how to get them back, what should have been said to a response to a cutting remark, or just convincing you're self that every one else is right. I know one person that was brain washed by a psychiatrist that did a great deal of harm in a person, it took me a long time to convince the client that the psychiatrist was wrong. This person stayed awake at night thinking that they were insane when in fact the voices that they heard were not in their head, but people talking outside the house as they walked past the house. So explaining that the episodes of schizophrenia only happened with severity on Friday and Saturday nights was a break through for the client. If only the psychiatrist would have investigated more, this person would have had a happier life for years.   Further more, people that are recovering from addiction also suffer restless nights doing head miles. The most common explanation for this is that the person in not bombed out on drugs, which frees the mind up to think. Which co-insides with the vivid dreams that feel so real that people awake, fearing to go back to sleep. For a recovering addict, restless nights are the hardest thing to get over, because the mind is thinking and collating years of information that it could not do because of the drug effect, affecting the ability to think. So now free from the affects of drugs, the brain goes into over drive, just to run sanity down, and then U-turn to do it night after night.

So how do we stop from thinking so much, or at least turn head miles into head meters?

 

The best thing is to get out of bed. Don't teach your sub-conscience that the bed is the place to think. Now you can pick several from options that suits you the best, ie. try each option, then pick the one that works best for you.

 

• Tell your self that there is time in the morning to think about the issue in the morning. And while you are up have a cup of chamomile tea, which is a sedative component in the tea.
• Have a note pad near by the bed or a voice recorder, sit up and record your thoughts. This action re-enforces the mind that the thoughts are placed somewhere that can be retrieved for later use. Then the thoughts do not need to be repeated over and over again so you remember it in the morning.
• Get up and play a brain taxing game like a crossword, Sudoku, find a word, or drawing. This can use up the energy that is keeping you awake and dispelling that energy.
• Do a grounding meditation, that brings you back to the now. How to do this is by closing your eyes and trying to pick where sound you hear are coming from and what they are. Another one I use sometimes is to imagine an energy field around your body (aura) and move it around, have it flowing through the body and pulsate around and through the chakra points.
• Grab a boring audio book or one that has a nice voice reading the audio book that you have listened to before, and listen to it. This is using our childhood created memory of our parents reading to us of a night. The soothing voice helps, but do not listen to an audio book that you have not listened to before, because you will then stay awake to get the story. I use this method a lot, and it helps me. I don't recommend reading a book, unless it is a boring book, like a text book. If the book is a page turner, you may be still be reading when the sun comes up. I should add that when you listen to an audio book, it can penetrate your dreams, thus you play out some portion of the audio book in your dream.

  We are blessed and cursed with a great imagination, and when we do head miles (aka. busy mind), it is our imagination going into over drive. So remember that much of what you are thinking about is the creative mind helping the logical mind explain the information gathered. Thus much of what you are thinking about is fantasy and speculations of the imagination. This is why one thought will morph into another thought. When the thoughts are negative, people describe this process as a "spiral into the abyss", because one negative thought accompanied with your imagination will build into the next negative thought, progressively worsening.   Here is a good like to a video that talks about head miles quieting-the-busy-mind-2

Discourse Analysis: The problems with communication.

When people are in the midst of communication, a complex process of cognition is used, and we are so adept at it that it comes automatically, though mistakes are made from time to time. When we talk, an idea needs to be translated into words, and then spoken. The listener needs to hear the words, translate these guttural utterances which are symbols of the idea, and decode them into the representation of the original idea. Thus the process has a sender of information, a receiver of the information, and hopefully the information will not be lost in translation. Furthermore, if this does not sound complicated enough, we then add into the understanding of the spoken word our fluctuating emotional state and the tone and temper of the speech. So you can see that when we speak, the probability of misunderstanding is quite high.   When you are trying to communicate, it is really important to pick the right words that have the right impact on the listener, and hope that the listener has the same meaning for the word/s that you have chosen, along with an interest in what the speaker is trying to say. So as a speaker you need to put your self in the place of the listener and orientate your chosen words around the listener. To a great deal I try to do this when writing up these blog postings. I know that some of you have a good vocabulary and other do not. Furthermore I am aware that even when someone has a good vocabulary the definition of a word is totally different to my definition. So when I talk about "guttural utterances" I am talking about "speech, talking, and communicatory grunts" but it could also mean a blocked air passage or a cough, by others.   We all wish to communication with the hope of being understood. But we have our emotions getting in the way, the listeners emotions impacts on what they want to hear, and the subject that we are talking about may be hard to put into words. But we still we want others to know the ideas that we have, and so we talk in metaphors, examples, parables, and stories, so we can give someone the same idea we have in context with the subject.   If we take a simple statement such as "the cat sat on the mat" and analyse it several ways. So firstly, if one person says it to another in an angry way, we can assume that the mat is new and expensive, thus the cat is not aloud to sit on it because it is so precious. Secondly, if a person says it in a loving way, we can assume that the cat is trained to sit there to receive a food or affection. So you can see that the words spoken are translated in context with the tone of voice and the environment. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHWXAJhmvyU To break things down further we can pick on one word, such as "date" as in a date between two people to get to know each other in a romantic way. We can pull out all the connotations that are built into the symbolic meaning of the word date. So let's list out all the meanings and images that is places into one word. Anticipation Romance Dinner Interview Hope Attraction Conversation Flirting Exchanging a phone number Fun Dress nicely Food If you can think of more images that the word sparks in you, please post it in a comment.   You can use a word that means one thing to you and it has a totally different meaning to some one ells. Take for example the word "gay" in years gone by it just meant happy, but now is has a totally different image set in the meaning. In other words you could say that each word has a whole schema set behind them, much more than what is printed in a book of synonyms.  Taking the word that we used above "date" one person may see it as a harmless event that has no real personal meaning, besides an act of fun with an ego boost, while the other person may place greater meaning on the event and hold it almost sacred in the start of a relationship. Thus the words we use within context are designed to illicit emotional responses to build or break another person. Even in the interpretation of verbal interactions can be misinterpreted because the receiver is in an emotional state.   The emotional state of a person can create a completely opposite meaning to a word or statement because of their own emotional view of what is going on. For instance, if a person is in an agitated state, almost aggressive, a smile with the statement "how are you doing?" may be sent to this person but is interpreted as sarcasm instead of concern. Being in an agitated state can alter ones view of the environment along with every interaction to the point that any form of communication can be seen by that person as a provocation for aggression. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KniUNdVZvH4 I have seen people and at times had to jump in to a conversation because I could see by the look on one of the faces, that what was being said was taken as an attack on the person, when in fact the other person was only talking about them self. Thus as I have posted in earlier postings, we create the world we see, even when it is totally misinterpreted, but to us we think we are seeing a fact. In this state even the words that we use with our self in self-talk is of a negative kind. Though the opposed is also true, when we are in a great mood, full of happiness, we do not see that we could be annoying others or misinterpret a sarcastic remark designed to hurt as having fun.

Building excuses: Lying to our self

You may have heard it, you may have said it you're self, that lying to you self is the easiest person to lie to. If we don't lie to our self we then blame the situation or better still others for our own inaction. It is so easy to procrastinate by lying to our self, we need to get out and go for a walk of do something around the house, so we say to our self that it can be done tomorrow or I have something ells to do that is more important, or you don't want to miss a show on TV. I have told clients that I may be the only therapist that will quote Hitler in a therapeutic context. So I will quote him here and tell you the same thing. Hitler stated that the hardest war to fight is the war with your self. Likewise Frank Herbit in his Dune books stated something very similar, "When the mind commands the body there will be no resistance, but when the mind commands its self resistance comes all to easy".   People with depression will be told by therapists to get out and walk, this is to get the body to work and to stop dwelling on unpleasant thoughts, also when walking the body starts to create all thous feel good chemicals. That is why some people feel addicted to jogging, it is not the jogging that they are wanting to do, it's the feel good chemicals that the body creates that they want. Like wise getting things done around the house can also create a feeling of accomplishment, again the dopamine pathways in the brain are being used to bring about those feel good chemicals.   I know that you are saying, because I say those things to my self. I just don't feel like doing that stuff. At the moment the slave cylinder on my clutch is leaking like a sieve. The part has been ordered and I just have to wait for it, but in the mean time I have to top up the fluid every day and if I am not careful, I need to bleed the clutch, which I have done 5 times in the last 2 weeks. You know I lied to my self several times, well 5 times to be exact, some of the excuses you may have used your self. So some of the excuses were, I am having an interesting chat on facebook or skype, I am not going anywhere today I will look at the clutch tomorrow, I am to tiered because I have been on my feet all day, I don't need the car today I don't need to look at it, and finally, this documentary is so interesting. Its funny how work around the house has so much passions, we could learn from the dishes, they will sit in the sick and wait without making a sound passionately waiting till you wash them and put them away. Likewise, have you found the some books have a magical power to just drain you of all your energy, I sit down to study and Wow, I get so tiered, I start yarning and just want to go to bed for the next 5 years. So we end up cramming for the exam and do the essay two days before it's due. So again we lie to our self to get out of that stuff, thus the dishes and everything ells that is low on the list of priorities get done.   We lie to our self to get out of work, house work, or what ever. So why can't we lie to our self to get them done. You will find that its only getting started that is the hard thing, once you have started the work you get stuck into it and you get the work done. It's just getting started that is so hard. I have used some lies on my self that seem to work, I would love to hear of your ways of kidding your self in getting started. For instance, I have just cleared my mind about the whole job and told my self to just check the flued then I go to the next step. So I don't do the big job in my mind I am doing a set of little jobs that are not hard. Another lie I use on my self to get a job done is to pretend that I am getting payed for the work, well that's not a big lie, I am actually saving my self money by doing it my self. Another one I use is that of pleasing another, my grandfather was a mechanic before he became an auctioneer, and taught me heaps about cars and trucks. So what I do is pretend that he is behind me helping me with the work and once it is done, we shake hands and pat me on the back. By the way he passed away about 15 years ago, but is still with me.   Blaming others is a great way of lying to your self. This works so well and is the best way to build excuses, that everyone does it in all walks of life from the leaders of the country to the long term unemployed. Fill in the blanks; "If it would not be for ………. I would have been able to do ……….".   As a kid we try to blame the dog for eating the home work for school. After that time goes on and we get older and learn a whole heap of new excuses that are plausible. What blaming other does with great effect is to take all the focus off of you and places it on something ells or someone ells. Talking with other people that deal with addiction therapy, have stated that until a person stops diverting blame away from them self and owns the problem, recovery from addiction is a struggle and therapy will not work. When we own the issue and admit to our self that the problem was created by our own stupidity or lack of action recovery is far more likely.   I remember that whenever I did something stupid that I paid for through pain or damage to stock that I purchased when I was an auctioneer working with my grandfather, he would always say, "Frank you need to think before you act, that's how you avoid stupidity".   This posting follows from the last posting about creating your reality. Granted you must realise that this posting is not talking about accidents that were totally out of your control, such as being a victim of crime or an accident. But how you deal with the incident aftermath is in your control and the decisions you make to get your life back on track is your responsibility. Friends, family, and professionals are there to help, but even then they cannot do the job of helping if you blame your inaction on others and think they will make you better. Like the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". Every one around you may try to help you, but if you don't help yourself, they cannot make you help your self. This is the thing I encounter on a daily basses, ever time I am working with people with drug and alcohol addiction. So I hear the phrase a lot, "I am only doing this because of my family, partner, kids, work, or justice system". Over time the person starts to realise that if you don't do something for your self it won't be done. Thus they stop blaming others for their plight and start being involved in their own recovery.   Here is another artical on this subject if you wish to read more: Excuses, excuses, excuses: Why people lie, cheat, and procrastinate