Through out this blog I have talked about the decisions we make and the choices we have, along with the schemas that we are bound to. The illusive cop in the head that controls our actions and guides our decisions that we are bound to, it seems that we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over. All too often I hear the phrase "monkey see monkey do" and that other statement that is a judgment on the offspring "the apple does not fall far from the tree". Like wise I hear clients ask me "why do I constantly pick the same types of partners, do I have the word, victim, tattooed to my forehead?". No matter what socioeconomic strata of society we are from, it seems that we are trapped by our past and the attitudes past down the from generation to generation. The belief systems that we have can often be the result of an idea several generations in the past. This is the cop in the head that we live with and controls us. Breaking the bonds of the cop in the head and all those habits that we have developed over time through our experiences and those values that were handed down from generation to generation is hard and for some next to impossible to break. It usually takes a disaster in ones life to really change one's preconceived attitudes and judgments. The other way is to follow you bliss, your passion and stick to it, no matter what. All too often we think that the bliss we need to find is the product of the ideas of the past. The bliss that we think we need is derived from external sources. However your bliss is your passion, it is your passion that drives you doing the thing you love the most, without the influence of others or any substance you are using. Your Passion is an activity that you cannot live happily without. For some their passion is the work they do, thus work is a joy and the activity that they live for. For others the passion that drives them is a hobby that they work for. The passion is one's life is that which fills the heart with bliss and gives you a reason for getting out of bed and achieve even in the face of adversity. For some, the by product of their activity is their passion, an example is Arnold Schwarzenegger, first he was passionate about body building, then acting, and then politics, but his true passion was to be in the centre of attention and be praised for his achievements. Though even if it is your passion to have praise from others, you still need to give others your talent and skill that can be praised. When you make a decision to do something that potentially can change your life do it with all your heart, with passion, and with pride. If you do not do it with passion, your decision will be only half hearted and without true meaning for you. So make that decision and do the thing that brings bliss to your life, whether it is a process to the end goal or the activity itself, and do it in the face of adversity. When you have the passion your desire to take action on your decision, your passion should over run you and take action even when all other tell you that you cannot do it, you just need do it. It is with the passion and the decision to take action, you will find a way to do it despite the cost to you and your loved ones, because if your loved ones do not allow you to follow your passion, they are not showing you their love and acceptance for you and your dreams. Many do not follow their passion because of fear, fear of loosing what they already have, or fear of the judgment of others. Freidrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) believed that the power of the individual should direct that passion into creative, joyful activities instead of being directed by fear of religion (Sommers-Flanagan & Sommers-Flanagan, Key Figures and Historical Context, 2004, p. 139). It can be that when one's passion is followed that guilt, shame and the treat of being ostracized by friends or family become a real feeling (Firman & Gila, 2002, p. 50 & 98). This is most evident in the client base that I work with. People that wish to recover from addiction do feel that the loss of friends is drastic and in some cases when the family is also addicted to illicit substances, the client see the need to abandon the family to have a life of sobriety. Unpublished research that a colleague has done shows that emotional distress increases when clients are in a rehabilitation centre over two weeks, the instrument used was the K10. Likewise I have measured the amount of fear that clients have when leaving a detox centre, which is significantly more for females than males (
t(53)=2.730,
p=0.009). Thus the fear to follow through with ones passion changes not only your self but the perceptions of others around you, the perceptions of others and the perceptions others have of you. Although all the perceptions may change and influence each other in surprising ways, the adversity that we may face in following our passion does more for us than we realise. "However, adversity provides opportunities to build strengths. Characteristics such as endurance, perseverance, passion, expressiveness, optimism, gratefulness, creativity, compassion, collectivism, spirituality, and faith can emerge." (Harrell & Sloan-Pena, 2006). It is here in the new mindset that new friends are made and a purpose for action is found. Living life with a clear defined purpose makes life fulfilling and meaningful without, and it is here in this purpose of action through passion that a person will act in "the Zone". Goleman (1996) and Elvin (2004, p. 189) describes being in "the Zone" as a deep emotional connection in action with passion in a task that consumes such concentration that the rest of the world becomes irrelevant, all that matters is you and your passion. Thus the stronger the passion the less you will be deterred by adversities that surround you and the faster you will change your approach to situations around you. I recall a conversation with a person with an addiction and supported their addiction by becoming a dealer of illicit drugs. That person stated that a colleague of theirs stated "you will never get clean from dugs, because you have not got the passion". This statement is so true for what ever walk of life one comes from. If a person wishes to become a pilot, dancer, poet, graduate, wonderful parent etc. the pursuit of an achievement is futile without the passion of being the end product of that achievement. Furthermore the process of becoming is an ongoing process that builds the skills that becomes part of your identity. So to it is in work and love that life without passion is like death and causes burnout (Pines, 2005). You can tell if you have low or no passion and suffer burnout from work or love when you feel tired, hopeless, trapped, helpless, depressed, weak, disappointed, and have difficulties sleeping (Pines, 2005). The affect experienced by following your passion, within your self is heightened self-esteem and a vision of reaching your ideal self image (Boyatzis, 2005). Your ideal self image is how you would like to see yourself, encompassing what you do and how you behave and who you hang out with, and love in your daily life. Apposed with to your real self image, where you settle for who you are, what you do, and your current behavior with those you hang out with and love. The greater the disparity or distance between the two types of self images the greater the depression you may suffer, because you are not living your dream, and currently living without passion. Furthermore, to close the gap between your real and ideal self image is to follow your bliss, follow your passion. "we can gain access to and engage deep emotional commitment and psychic energy if we engage our passions and conceptually catch our dreams in our ideal self-image. It is an anomaly that we know the importance of consideration of the ideal self and yet, often, when engaged in a change or learning process, we skip over the clear formulation or articulation of our ideal self image. If a parent, spouse, boss or teacher indicates something that should be different, they are telling us about the person
they want us to be. As adults, we often allow" (Boyatzis, 2005) "There are four major 'learning points' from the first two discontinuities in the self-directed learning process: (1) engage your passion and create your dreams; (2) Know thyself; (3) identify or articulate both your strengths (those aspects of yourself you want to preserve) and the gaps or discrepancies in your real and ideal selves (those aspects of yourself you want to adapt or change); and (4) keep your attention on both characteristics, forces or factors – do not let one become the preoccupation." (Boyatzis, 2005). The Bliss or passion that we are to follow to get the most out of life is fervently described by J Campbell's the Hero's journey. It is the passion that the hero act upon to alter their approach and attitude towards the turbulence of life we all face. Furthermore, it is the pursuit of bliss that the Hero is passionate for, all through the journey. With this passion the skills are acquired to complete and come through the mortal threat that awaits the hero once they return to the ordinary world from the special world. Then it is here in the ordinary world the hero is aware that they are the hero and prepared to assist others on their journey of passion to find their bliss. To find out what your real and ideal self image is, there are several pen and paper exercises you can do to find your way to get from one to the other. If you wish to know more about these exercises just email me or Skype me.
Bibliography
- Boyatzis, R. E. (2005). Developing leadership through emotional intelligence. In A.-S. G. Antonion, & C. L. Cooper (Eds.), Research companion to organizational health psychology (pp. 656-669). Massachusetts: Edward Elgar Publishing Limited.
- Elvin, M. (2004). Financial Risk Taking: An Introduction to the Psychology of Trading and Behavioural Finance. West Sussex: John Wiley & Sons Ltd.
- Firman, J., & Gila, A. (2002). Psychosynthesis: a psycology of the spirit. New York: State University of New York Press.
- Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional intelligence. London: Bloomsbury Publishing.
- Harrell, S. P., & Sloan-Pena, G. (2006). Racism and Discrimination. In Y. Jackso (Ed.), Encyclopedia of Multicultural Psychology (pp. 396-402). California: Sage Publucations, Inc.
- Pines, A. M. (2005). Love and work: the relationships between their unconscious choices and burnout. In A.-S. G. Antonion, & C. L. Cooper (Eds.), Research companion to organizational health psychology (pp. 565-578). Massachusetts: Edward Elgar Publishing Limited.
- Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2004). Key Figures and Historical Context. In J. Sommers-Flanagan, & R. Sommers-Flanagan, Counselling and Psychotherapy theories in context and practice (p. 139). New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
- Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2004). Key Figures and Historical Context. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Through out this blog I have talked about the decisions we make and the choices we have, along with the schemas that we are bound to. The illusive cop in the head that controls our actions and guides our decisions that we are bound to, it seems that we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over. All too often I hear the phrase "monkey see monkey do" and that other statement that is a judgment on the offspring "the apple does not fall far from the tree". Like wise I hear clients ask me "why do I constantly pick the same types of partners, do I have the word, victim, tattooed to my forehead?". No matter what socioeconomic strata of society we are from, it seems that we are trapped by our past and the attitudes past down the from generation to generation. The belief systems that we have can often be the result of an idea several generations in the past. This is the cop in the head that we live with and controls us. Breaking the bonds of the cop in the head and all those habits that we have developed over time through our experiences and those values that were handed down from generation to generation is hard and for some next to impossible to break. It usually takes a disaster in ones life to really change one's preconceived attitudes and judgments. The other way is to follow you bliss, your passion and stick to it, no matter what. All too often we think that the bliss we need to find is the product of the ideas of the past. The bliss that we think we need is derived from external sources. However your bliss is your passion, it is your passion that drives you doing the thing you love the most, without the influence of others or any substance you are using. Your Passion is an activity that you cannot live happily without. For some their passion is the work they do, thus work is a joy and the activity that they live for. For others the passion that drives them is a hobby that they work for. The passion is one's life is that which fills the heart with bliss and gives you a reason for getting out of bed and achieve even in the face of adversity. For some, the by product of their activity is their passion, an example is Arnold Schwarzenegger, first he was passionate about body building, then acting, and then politics, but his true passion was to be in the centre of attention and be praised for his achievements. Though even if it is your passion to have praise from others, you still need to give others your talent and skill that can be praised. When you make a decision to do something that potentially can change your life do it with all your heart, with passion, and with pride. If you do not do it with passion, your decision will be only half hearted and without true meaning for you. So make that decision and do the thing that brings bliss to your life, whether it is a process to the end goal or the activity itself, and do it in the face of adversity. When you have the passion your desire to take action on your decision, your passion should over run you and take action even when all other tell you that you cannot do it, you just need do it. It is with the passion and the decision to take action, you will find a way to do it despite the cost to you and your loved ones, because if your loved ones do not allow you to follow your passion, they are not showing you their love and acceptance for you and your dreams. Many do not follow their passion because of fear, fear of loosing what they already have, or fear of the judgment of others. Freidrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) believed that the power of the individual should direct that passion into creative, joyful activities instead of being directed by fear of religion (Sommers-Flanagan & Sommers-Flanagan, Key Figures and Historical Context, 2004, p. 139). It can be that when one's passion is followed that guilt, shame and the treat of being ostracized by friends or family become a real feeling (Firman & Gila, 2002, p. 50 & 98). This is most evident in the client base that I work with. People that wish to recover from addiction do feel that the loss of friends is drastic and in some cases when the family is also addicted to illicit substances, the client see the need to abandon the family to have a life of sobriety. Unpublished research that a colleague has done shows that emotional distress increases when clients are in a rehabilitation centre over two weeks, the instrument used was the K10. Likewise I have measured the amount of fear that clients have when leaving a detox centre, which is significantly more for females than males (t(53)=2.730, p=0.009). Thus the fear to follow through with ones passion changes not only your self but the perceptions of others around you, the perceptions of others and the perceptions others have of you. Although all the perceptions may change and influence each other in surprising ways, the adversity that we may face in following our passion does more for us than we realise. "However, adversity provides opportunities to build strengths. Characteristics such as endurance, perseverance, passion, expressiveness, optimism, gratefulness, creativity, compassion, collectivism, spirituality, and faith can emerge." (Harrell & Sloan-Pena, 2006). It is here in the new mindset that new friends are made and a purpose for action is found. Living life with a clear defined purpose makes life fulfilling and meaningful without, and it is here in this purpose of action through passion that a person will act in "the Zone". Goleman (1996) and Elvin (2004, p. 189) describes being in "the Zone" as a deep emotional connection in action with passion in a task that consumes such concentration that the rest of the world becomes irrelevant, all that matters is you and your passion. Thus the stronger the passion the less you will be deterred by adversities that surround you and the faster you will change your approach to situations around you. I recall a conversation with a person with an addiction and supported their addiction by becoming a dealer of illicit drugs. That person stated that a colleague of theirs stated "you will never get clean from dugs, because you have not got the passion". This statement is so true for what ever walk of life one comes from. If a person wishes to become a pilot, dancer, poet, graduate, wonderful parent etc. the pursuit of an achievement is futile without the passion of being the end product of that achievement. Furthermore the process of becoming is an ongoing process that builds the skills that becomes part of your identity. So to it is in work and love that life without passion is like death and causes burnout (Pines, 2005). You can tell if you have low or no passion and suffer burnout from work or love when you feel tired, hopeless, trapped, helpless, depressed, weak, disappointed, and have difficulties sleeping (Pines, 2005). The affect experienced by following your passion, within your self is heightened self-esteem and a vision of reaching your ideal self image (Boyatzis, 2005). Your ideal self image is how you would like to see yourself, encompassing what you do and how you behave and who you hang out with, and love in your daily life. Apposed with to your real self image, where you settle for who you are, what you do, and your current behavior with those you hang out with and love. The greater the disparity or distance between the two types of self images the greater the depression you may suffer, because you are not living your dream, and currently living without passion. Furthermore, to close the gap between your real and ideal self image is to follow your bliss, follow your passion. "we can gain access to and engage deep emotional commitment and psychic energy if we engage our passions and conceptually catch our dreams in our ideal self-image. It is an anomaly that we know the importance of consideration of the ideal self and yet, often, when engaged in a change or learning process, we skip over the clear formulation or articulation of our ideal self image. If a parent, spouse, boss or teacher indicates something that should be different, they are telling us about the person they want us to be. As adults, we often allow" (Boyatzis, 2005) "There are four major 'learning points' from the first two discontinuities in the self-directed learning process: (1) engage your passion and create your dreams; (2) Know thyself; (3) identify or articulate both your strengths (those aspects of yourself you want to preserve) and the gaps or discrepancies in your real and ideal selves (those aspects of yourself you want to adapt or change); and (4) keep your attention on both characteristics, forces or factors – do not let one become the preoccupation." (Boyatzis, 2005). The Bliss or passion that we are to follow to get the most out of life is fervently described by J Campbell's the Hero's journey. It is the passion that the hero act upon to alter their approach and attitude towards the turbulence of life we all face. Furthermore, it is the pursuit of bliss that the Hero is passionate for, all through the journey. With this passion the skills are acquired to complete and come through the mortal threat that awaits the hero once they return to the ordinary world from the special world. Then it is here in the ordinary world the hero is aware that they are the hero and prepared to assist others on their journey of passion to find their bliss. To find out what your real and ideal self image is, there are several pen and paper exercises you can do to find your way to get from one to the other. If you wish to know more about these exercises just email me or Skype me. 
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